The kids suddenly look like absolute angels, they are saying the sweetest things, they're doing the cutest things, they even put all their toys away when asked earlier - they never do that!
I've had almost 10 months, 10 months of them being complete shits most of the time, me screaming at them in earnest to put their damn toys away or I'm putting them all in the bin (x100) they've tantrumed in public too many times making me look like some incompetent breeder and they've pushed every wrong button I own.! But not the night before work. Suddenly, I don't want to leave the little gits. They seem too young for daycare, too vulnerable for afterschool club, those 8.5 hours ahead excluding travel time seem like a week. What's happened!!! When did I become this soft??
Or... And this is the real question.. At what point did the 3 little pigs actually grow on me??
It's not that I'm anti work. Or work shy. Or a product of benefits Britain. (Although between us, if I could get hold of one of those sugar daddy things, albeit one that loves a few kids and a woman that's passed her sell by date and smells more of baby vom than Chanel these days, then all I'm saying is, I would and I'm not sorry)
But as I was saying, it's not working that's the issue, it's the process of everything to do with it.
Basically I'm working to pay nursery who will be looking after 2 of the 3 kids while I work, of which money I will be paying them with. Does that even make sense. I'm working to pay nursery. That's clearer isn't it. About the only thing that is in my mind right now.
But to do the above (which I won't try to explain again) I have to get up as early as a soldier on a moonlight drill and sort everything out that I actually started sorting out at lunchtime Sunday, and then somehow drag the kids out of bed one by one, assist in dressing 2 of the 3 whilst yelling at the third out of 3 to get dressed herself and that if she hadn't been on her iPad until 10pm, she wouldn't be as tired as she is now and that I'm sending her to bed early tonight and confiscating her iPad, altho we both know I won't at all. Because I'm shite like that.
Then I have to assist myself in dressing me, which at that time in a morning is a challenge and I could do with a helper myself.
Then it's operation stick some make up on and try to look professional in very low winter morning light.
This normally means I will end up leaving the house like Worzil Gummage and Aunt Sally combined. I've had more than my fair share of overly rosy cheeks and hair that I thought looked OK, until I look in works mirror, which seems to show up every flaw and split end known to man..
Basically, I am never going to pull at work!
Good job I'm not trying to.
It seemed odd packing a handbag and not a backpack, and leaving out the wipes and nappies. That said, after breeding several kids, perhaps I should re-pack the nappies.
The commute will be weird, having the radio on with grown ups talking, listening to music that I'll no longer know the words to, and I'm pretty sure that more than once I'll check the rear view mirror and have a moment where I freak out about who's stolen the kids because their seats are empty.
I can't even get excited about not having snot on my clothes all day, because I'm pretty sure I will have snot on me, from my own nose once I've used up the 3 packets of Kleenex I've packed because I'm going to miss the 3 terrors. I'll be imagining them sat bawling in a corner missing me like crazy, not speaking to anyone and feeling all abandoned and alone. When in reality, I'm sure they'll cry at drop off, just so I know how they feel at being left, but once I've gone, they'll find some toy or another small human to entertain themselves with and overall they'll be ok, they've got nursery staff and school friends for cuddles.
Me however... I'll be sat bawling in a corner pretty much all day. Drinking coffee that I automatically move away from the edge of the table just in case. I'll start telling my colleagues I'm just popping to the toilet for a wee wee and I'll be back in 5 minutes and there's always the possibility that I'll blow someone's nose or lick my finger and wipe a bit of crust from someone's face. Least I'll have clean work mates.
So it's now 1am. Thinking I should attempt to sleep or it'll be me banned from my iPad tomorrow.
New day. Feels like a new chapter. Mommy goes back to the big people...!!
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